Physical violence or battering can start or increase during pregnancy. Recognizing signs of abuse:

• Verbal attacks- telling you that you’re stupid, undesirable, or ugly.
• Restricting use or access of money.
• Using affection to manipulate you.
• Physical contact such as punching, slapping, kicking, pinching, or pulling on you in ways that hurt.
• Mental abuse can include put-downs and insults.
• Emotional abuse can include blame, jealousy, or controlling behavior.
• Restriction of time with friends or monitoring every movement when away from your partner.
• Control over what you wear, where you go, or matters of the house.
• Expects you to be perfect and will tell you how he/she wants you to be.
• Keeping you from engaging with friends, family, or professional support.
• Restricting telephone or computer use; could be monitoring it’s use.
• Cruelty to animals and children (physical and mental attacks can quickly jump from the family pet to a person.  Seek help immediately!) 
• Forceful sex acts; persuading you to do things you don’t want to do.  Not listening to you if sex is painful.
• Sudden changes in mood- one moment everything is going fine and the next moment the abuser explodes. You may see this as being crazy or having a temper.
• Threatening you, himself/herself.  Even breaking things that are important to you is a sign of abuse.
• A history of past abusive relationships.  Listen for if the abuser blames the other person for “making” him/her do it.
  This is a sign that it he/she is likely to do it again.
• Any type of physical restraint, pushing or shoving.
• Joking or threatening about using a weapon on you, your children, or pets.
• If at any time you feel unsafe! Listen to your intuition! 

Don’t wait until a crisis arises!  Make a plan.  Start here: 

• Document the abuse if possible.  Photos of bruises, videos of behavior, voice recordings.  You will likely need this later in criminal or custody battles.   
• Make plans about where you will go; a shelter, friends, family. Try to choose a place that he/she doesn’t know about.  
• Make plans about what you will take. What do you and your children absolutely need for a week or longer?  Can you get sentimental things out of the house?
• Make plans for your pets. A local humane society or rescue can often take animals for a short period of time.  You don’t want your pets to suffer the abuse any longer either.
• Leave the situation and don’t look back. The most dangerous time is immediately after you leave. Don’t call him/her or make any contact.
• Take your children, yourself, and your pets to a shelter, family or friend’s house.  
• Contact a lawyer.  Most abusers will not tolerate the fact that they have “lost” control over you.  They will fight with everything they have to make themselves seem like they are victim.  
• Notify the children’s school, family members and other’s with authority.   
• File a restraining order.  So not let this person back into your life or come into contact with you.  

Each of these are BRAVE steps only you can take to remove yourself from a relationship that has become abusive.  

There is NOTHING wrong with you or your choices.  The actions that the abuser has taken are his/hers alone.  

I have been in an abusive relationship and understand how difficult it can be to leave.  You are stronger than you know.   There is a new life on the other side of this.  Your actions now could save your life.  I’m sending you love, life, and a path forward every step of the way.  ~Cheryl 

Resources:

Call 9-1-1 for immediate assistance.  

National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/

1−800−799−7233 

TTY 1−800−787−3224 or (206) 518-9361 (Video Phone Only for Deaf Callers) 

Child Welfare Hotline: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/reslist/tollfree/

Animal Abuse: 

https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/report-animal-cruelty

Local Resources:

Longmont Ending Domestic Violence Initiative: Emergency counseling and shelter, call 303-772-4422.
www.longmontdomesticviolence.org

Counselors:
Hope Weiss, LCSW, 627 Kimbark Street, Longmont, CO 80501
Dr. April Young, PhD, LPC, NCC, 1430 Nelson Road, Suite 203, Longmont 80501

For your animals: Longmont Humane Society, 9595 Nelson Road # G, Longmont, CO 80501-
6359 (303) 772-1232; they have a no-time limit policy for adoption of animals released to them.

References:
Frye, A. (2010). Holistic Midwifery: A comprehensive textbook for midwives in homebirth practice.
Portland, OR: Labrys Press.

Longmont Domestic Violence: Local Agencies. (n.d.). Longmont Domestic Violence: Home.
Retrieved November 07, 2011, from http://www.longmontdomestic
violence.org/Local_Agencies.html

***This is general information. Please speak to your health care provider about your unique health needs